Thursday, September 18, 2008

Ten Ways in Which the "Selichot Season" Concert of the Jerusalem Symphony Orchestra Differs From a Concert Anywhere Else in the World

1. The concert begins when a world-famous clarinetist enters from the back row playing Yerushalayim Shel Zahav (Jerusalem of Gold), encouraging the audience to sing along as he makes his way through the aisles.
2. In between musical pieces the aforementioned clarinetist uses his instrument to blast a Tekia, Shvarim, Truah, Tekia, sounding even better than a real shofar! (Could've fooled me.)
3. Three cell phones go off during the slow, quiet mandolin solo, destroying the audience's rapt concentration.
4. Each time the conductor speaks (which is often), someone from the back row yells out "Lo shomim" (we can't hear!!); and then someone from the front cries out, "Az lo tishmeu" (so you won't hear!!).
5. The conductor announces that he does not plan to play the pieces in the program – as far as he is concerned, the program notes are more or less incidental.
6. In between movements, half of the audience claps, and the other half hisses at the clappers for this apparently egregious violation of concert etiquette.
7. The pianist inserts a few bars of Hatikva into the cadenza of Haydn's piano concerto, and the audience members remain unfazed.
8. The clarinetist stamps his feet and begins dancing with wild Hasidic-like gestures during his solo.
9. The address of the theater, which happens (aptly) to be "5 Chopin St.," is spelled "5 Shop-in St." on the concert program. Shop in, stop in, drop in, and hear some music while you're at it!
10. When the mandolin soloist is introduced, the conductor says that "not only is he the best mandolin player in the world – he is also still single!" A quick glance at the concert program reveals, alas, that he lives in Padua....

2 Comments:

Anonymous Salome said...

#6 happens here more than you would imagine...

6:44 PM  
Blogger rebecca said...

The Lake Isle of Innisfree

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,

And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;

Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,

And Live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,

Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;

There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,

And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day,

I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;

Whil I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,

I hear it in the deep heart's core.

-----by runescape powerleveling

4:49 AM  

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