Extempore Effusions on the Completion of Masekhet Eruvin

(2a)

An alley roof may reach so high

That it nearly approaches the sky

But alas you cannot

Carry there on Shabbat

‘Til you lower it for passersby.

(2b)

A Korah is a side-to-side beam

That’s affixed so an alley will seem

Like a less public place

So it can be a space

One can carry in, our sages deem.

(3a)

With many folks sharing a pot

It will never get cold or get hot

Because each guy avers

“Surely someone else stirs”

And the soup that’s inside starts to rot.

(4a)

The species of Israel are treasures

Wheat, barley, and grapes – oh such pleasure

From our bounteous land

But you must understand

They are also intended as measures!

(8a)

An alley extends to the sea

And its other end happens to be

By a big garbage heap

May one carry? They sweep

Garbage out periodically.

(10a)

A fence may have much open space

In between its slats. If that’s the case

If there’s less wood than air

Can you still carry there

If you walk in Shabbat through that place?

(11b)

What makes an alley OK?

Beam and post! That’s what Beit Shammai say.

Hillel say: Either one

Alone gets the job done

Eliezer: “Two posts!” joins the fray.

(13a)

Meir says: With Akiva I learned

To use vitriol ink, thus I earned

As a scribe my own living

Yishmael had misgivings

Vitriol was a substance he spurned.

(13a)

Yishmael said: You do holy work,

Rabbi Meir, and therefore don’t shirk

Or slack off. Every letter

You write, it had better

Be perfect. Destruction here lurks.

(13a)

The Sotah—adulterous dame—

Gets a scroll written out. May the same

Scroll be reused again?

Must the scribe each time pen

It anew? It does not say her name.

(13b)

Rabbi Meir was quite a great sage

The most famous to live in his age

But the rabbis don’t rule

In accord with his school

For his wisdom was too deep to gauge.

(13b)

For two and a half years ‘twas fated

That Hillel and Shammai debated:

Is it good that man’s here

Since we sin without fear?

Better never to have been created?

(14b)

What’s the blessing you say when drink?

Tarfon said: Shehakol’s what you think

But it’s not! For I vote

For Borei Nefashot

Go and see what men do, and rethink.

(17b)

A well is surrounded by four

Cornered posts, though they look like twice more.

So that cattle can nuzzle

Around it and guzzle

They’re private domain space décor.

(18b)

A man should walk first in a line

Any women should trail far behind

She’s ahead on a bridge?

He should stand in the ridge

To the charms of her backside, stay blind.

(19a)

There are three entrances into hell:

The first is where ocean tides swell

At Jerusalem’s gate,

Where the deserts stretch straight,

To the place where the sinners all dwell.

(20b)

A cow’s head and body extend

To the private domain; its rear end

Is still in public space

May it drink in that place?

Do we “rosho v’rubo” contend?

(21b)

Whence come Eruv and hand-washing laws?

King Shlomo alone is the cause.

With Torah a basket

Said Shlomo, “My mascot

Is handles. I’ll add them!” Applause.

(26a)

An Eruv’s a small bit of food

That is shared among neighbors. Exclude

Only water and salt

With such foods we find fault

Hearts of palm, though, are fine, we conclude.

(28b)

Rabbi Zeyra would study a lot.

When he couldn’t go on, he would not.

He would sit on a stoop

Looking out for a group

Of wise scholars to greet from that spot.

(29b)

Hanina sat down. On his plate

Was an onion. Hanina then ate

It. Inside was a snake!

Did he die? Heaven’s sake!

No! His colleagues averted this fate.

(31b)

Can you send Eruv food with a beast?

Tell a monkey: “Please carry this east?”

To an elephant, say,

“Take my Eruv, I pray”

Yes! But man must retrieve it, at least.

(35a)

Drive a donkey and camel at once?

It’s impossible! You’d be a dunce

You won’t move from your place

You’ll be stuck in that space

One should never agree to such stunts.

(38a)

For the Tchum Eruv, go drag your feet

To the outermost alley or street

In that place you should park

Just until it gets dark.

Are you lazy? Then just send a treat.

(41a)

If you’re fasting on Friday, you stop

Just before it’s Shabbat. Do you drop

The fast early or not?

Can you enter Shabbat

Feeling starving? You don’t want to plop.

(41b)

If you dock in a port on Shabbat

Can you get off the boat? Must you not?

Rabban Gamliel said

On dry land you may tread

If at nightfall you’re in the right spot.

(43b)

A telescope! What an invention

And that Gamliel had one bears mention.

He could measure the height

Of a tree (not at night,

Using shadows) and other dimensions.

(43b)

Nechemia, immersed in his learning,

Did something that’s rather concerning:

He walked out of his Techum

Unaware, we presume

Now will sages permit his returning?

(45a)

If you fall fast asleep on the street

When you wake up, you jump to your feet

It’s Shabbat, is it not!

Can’t believe I forgot

Now how far can I travel to eat?

(51a)

Rabba said to Rav Yosef: We’ll be

On Shabbat mostly under this tree

That has so many dates

I could sell them for rates

That would pay off my taxes for me.

(53a)

The Judeans were careful with words

And precise in their speech—oh, what nerds.

Galileans were sloppy

Their words, hard to copy

Their teachings thus went to the birds.

(53b)

There once was a guy with a book.

He was whispering. Beruria said: “Look,

Do you want to forget

What you learn? That’s a threat!

Learn aloud.” Then she kicked him. He shook.

(54b)

Learning Torah is like a gazelle

Do you want to know why? I will tell.

A gazelle’s narrow womb

Makes sex nice, we presume.

Likewise Torah, each time, casts a spell.

(54b)

Torah’s words are compared to a breast

For a baby, and baby knows best.

Like the breast satisfies

When the poor baby cries

Torah offers us what to digest.

(54b)

Prida’s patience was known through the land

When his student did not understand

He taught four hundred times

‘Til “I got it!” he chimed

Once he taught even more times than planned.

(55b)

Torah scholars must live in a town

Where vegetables grow and abound

Onions and leeks

Will add shine to one’s cheeks

Therefore live where fresh produce is found.

(57b)

We measure the Techum with a rope

But what do we do with a slope?

You don’t need to stop

Or to let the rope drop

It’ll still be precise, so we hope.

(61b)

If you share your yard with a non-Jew,

When it’s shabbos, what are you to do?

If the goy will agree,

You rent his property

Make an Eruv, and then carry through.

(63a)

Do not teach if your teacher is there

If you’re asked about knives, do take care.

If you don’t have respect

Then your life will be wrecked

By a snakebite. It’s true. So beware!

(64a)

Is it good to drink wine ere you teach

When you’re drunk, can you give a good speech?

Said the rabbis: No, no!

Said Rav Nachman: Not so—

I must down a glass each time I preach.

(67a)

Rav Hisda and Sheshet would shake

When they’d see one another, they’d quake

Each could not comprehend

How much Torah his friend

Knew. Their friendship, alas, was at stake.

(72a)

Several groups of friends slept in one hall

‘Twas divided into separate stalls.

Beit Shammai will teach

It’s one Eruv for each

Says Beit Hillel: One Eruv for all.

(82a)

Mom’s Eruv is good for her son

If he’s so young that she wipes his bum.

If he wakes up at night

And cries “Ima” in fright

And he cries and he cries ‘til she’ll come.

(86a)

If a guy goes away for Shabbat

Do we fear he will come back, or not?

If he goes to his son

Whose wife may make him run

Back, an Eruv without him is shot.

(95a)

If Tefillin are found on Shabbat

By the roadside, or a parking lot.

May you carry them in

Or would that be a sin?

Should you leave them all day in that spot?

(97b)

If you’re reading a scroll on a stoop

And it falls from your hands, may you scoop

It back up? May you roll

It for “book” just means “scroll”—

Shimon says: Holy things should not droop.

(100b)

May you walk across grass on the day

Of rest? What would Virginia Woolf say?

Keep off if it’s dry

If it’s wet, then pass by

At your leisure, and be on your way.