Extempore Effusions on the Completion of Gittin chapter 7

(67b)

If a man seized by fury should shout

“Write a Get for me” – don’t hear him out

But if he says “write a Get”

And just then starts to fret

Then his words are not something to flout.

(68a)

Solomon said to the sages, “But how

Can I chisel the Temple rocks now?"

They said, “Find the Shamir,

It’s a worm, that we fear,

You must wrest from a demon, somehow.”

(69a)

For a nosebleed, sit under a drain,

For a toothache, take garlic for pain

If your heart’s in decline

Eat some wheat bread and wine

And cook willows for aches in the brain.

(70a)

If you’re back from the loo, wait a while—

Don’t have sex ‘til you’ve walked half a mile

There are demons from hell

In the bathrooms they dwell

And the seed you emit, they’ll defile.

(71a)

A deaf man can’t hear – that’s all right

He can scribble on paper, “Please write
A Get for my wife

Get her out of my life!”

They’re divorced. And they need no more fight.

(72a)

Don’t say, “This is your Get if I die,”

That’s no way to say, “Honey, goodbye.”

Since you can’t get divorced

Once you’re dead, we are forced

To declare it invalid. Nice try.

(73b)

Once divorced, she was seen in his bed

Under cover of night. Then she fled.

The sages were vexed:

Does this mean they had sex?

What did she and her ex do instead?

(74a)

“I’ll divorce you, but first you must hand

My tallit to me. So I demand.”

What if it then gets lost?

Then the wife pays the cost

Henceforth she is divorced from her man.

(75b)

“I’ll divorce you under this condition—

You must breastfeed our son. That’s your mission.”

For how long must she nurse?

Here the sages were terse:

For two years she supplies his nutrition.  

(76b)

“I’ll stay out of your face 30 days

If I do you’re divorced” – so he says.

Does that mean he can’t see

Her, or that she can’t be

The woman in whose bed he lays?