Today the rabbis
of the Talmud get drunk on Seder wine, leading them to engage in several long
pages of aggada that take us far afield from the tenth chapter’s halakhic
discussion about Seder ritual. It begins with their consideration of the
Mishnah’s statement that a person should not have less than four cups of wine
at the Seder, even if he is so poor that he has to rely on communal funds.
“Four cups of wine?” asks the anonymous voice of the Talmud. “How could the
sages legislate something that is so dangerous? After all, we are taught that a
person should never eat two of anything, or drink two of anything.” As the
Meiri explains, during Talmudic times there were popular beliefs in destructive
forces that we today would regard as superstitious. One such belief was the
danger of zugot (pairs), that is, that doing things in pairs was hazardous. And
if so, how could we possibly be obligated to drink “two times two” cups of wine?
The sages offer
various justifications. Rav Nahman suggests that since the Torah describes
Pesach as ליל שימורים
a night of watching, we need not worry, because Pesach is guarded from demons
and harmful spirits. Rava says that the third cup, used in Birkat HaMazon, is a
כוס של ברכה, a “cup
of blessing” used in the performance of a mitzvah; and such a cup could never
combine for evil purposes. And Ravina posits that since these cups are a symbol
of freedom, they do not combine in pairs with one another, but each stands
independently in its own right.
These explanations
notwithstanding, the sages remain preoccupied with the danger of doing anything
in pairs, and go on to relate several stories about the lengths they would go
to avoid such behavior. Whenever Abayey would drink a cup of wine, for
instance, his mother would immediately hold out two more cups, one in each
hand, lest he inadvertently drink just one more cup and become susceptible to demonic
forces. If a person accidentally stopped after two cups, and found himself
besieged by demons, the Talmud instructs that he should hold his right thumb in
his left hand, and hold his left thumb in his right hand, and say: “You, my two
thumbs, and I make three!” But even so, there is no guarantee that he will be
protected.
The Talmud relates
a story about a man who fell into danger because he drank in pairs:
There once was a man who divorced his wife. She went off and
married a shopkeeper. Each day, the first husband would go to this shop and
drink wine. The woman would try to perform witchcraft on him, but she never
succeeded, because he would be careful not to drink an even number of cups of
wine. But then one day, he drank so much that he lost count. For the first
sixteen cups (!!), he could think clearly and take precautions; but after
sixteen cups, he could no longer keep count. The woman bewitched him and caused
him to go outside after drinking an even number of cups. When he went out on
the street, he met an Arab merchant who said to him: This is a dead man.
Trembling with fear, the man leaned on the trunk of a palm tree to steady
himself. The palm tree dried out, fell over, and killed him.
This is quite a
dramatic tale, and one almost gets the sense that it was the kind of story the
rabbis would relate while engaged in their own drunken revelry in a tavern late
at night, the wine spilling over the edges of their glasses and the demons
growing ever more real. And yet I can’t help thinking that as a mother of
twins, I have a very different perspective on zugot.
Just last week my
friend Shira forwarded me an article written by the parents of twins. The
article, entitled “25 Tips About the Horrors of Raising Twins That You Will
Never Learn From Movies and TV,” reminded me of Pesahim 110 in that it
enumerated all the dangers of zugot. The article warned that with twins, the
pregnancy is harrowing, the early months of the babies’ lives are more than
twice the amount of work, and the first year is so exhausting that the parents
don’t even remember any of it. One quote is sufficient to give a sense of the tenor
of the article as a whole:
You may think that changing diapers
for two babies requires the same amount of effort as changing the diaper of one
baby, times two. This is inaccurate. It's actually more than twice the effort,
because while you are changing one baby's diaper, you will simultaneously have
to keep the other baby occupied so that she will not steal the clean diaper you
are about to put on or the poopy diaper you have just removed, or crawl over
the head of the baby you are attempting to change, or run screaming through the
house pulling wipes out of the wipes box and throwing them on the floor while
using your phone to update your facebook status to "e29,28889xmn".
(All of these things will happen. Regularly.)
As I wrote back to
Shira, I could not disagree more. Thank God, I was blessed with an easy
pregnancy; I swam nearly every morning until the day before I gave birth. The
girls were born naturally, one leading the way and the other following suit,
and I felt indescribable joy when I sat there in the hospital bed holding one
girl in each arm as they looked up at me bewildered and blinking under the
harsh fluorescent lights and wondering just what shores they had washed upon.
In the early months, I was always nursing, true. But I nursed the girls one at
a time and held a book in my other arm, reading aloud to the twin at the breast
and the twin in the bassinet in front of me. When one woke up hungry at night,
I fed her and then woke her sister, so that I would not be awakened again a few
hours later. By three months, they were (more or less) sleeping from 7pm to
6am, with just one “official” overnight feeding. (As my husband loves to point
out, there were—and still are—several “unofficial” overnight feedings as well.)
Perhaps we got
lucky and our twins were easier than most. Or perhaps it’s just that my husband
does the work of two parents combined. But I think that in many ways, having
babies in pairs was inherently easier for me than having a singleton; and it
was definitely easier than having two consecutive singletons. I am a person
bent on efficiency. I find nothing more aggravating than wasted time. With
twins, there is no danger of wasting time, because there are no moments to
waste. If one baby doesn’t want to nurse, I simply feed her sister instead; by
the time her sister is done, she’s usually worked up an appetite. Now that the
girls are eating solid foods, I sit them in their high chairs and position
myself between them. If one girl refuses to open her mouth, I hand her a toy
and feed the other. There is always someone who wants to eat, even if it’s not
the baby whose mouth I am dangling the spoon in front of at that moment.
I have also found
twins to be easier because they can entertain one another. I’ve heard horror
stories about women who cannot go to the bathroom when they are home alone with
their babies, or women who go days without showering because they have no time
alone. This has never happened to me. If I need time to myself, I lay the
babies on their stomachs facing one another, with a few toys between them.
Tagel amuses herself by trying to catch Liav’s eye and cracking up any time
Liav looks in her direction; Liav mostly ignores Tagel because she is intent on
moving all the toys onto her section of the mat. Every so often I have to
separate them because Liav does not realize that the “toy” she is yanking on
with all her might is actually Tagel’s hair. But for the most part, they play
together quite nicely, so long as they are well-rested and well-fed.
I would not say
that twins are easy. All too often, we are beside ourselves with exhaustion,
with food to cook, kids to bathe, diapers to change, and no time to work or
sleep – let alone to enjoy a cup of wine. But the joy of observing our own
zugot grow and develop and interact with one another remains indescribable, and
even if our cup is overflowing, we never doubt for a moment that it is a כוס של ברכה, a
cup of blessing.